Never once did I think that picking up a camera with a ton of confusing dials, knobs and buttons would cheer me up. It genuinely makes me feel better. Whether it’s taking pictures of other people, products or myself (no shame!), it works. My younger self would ask “how on earth does a camera and a few pics improve your mood? U love MSN do that instead.”. Of course with some sort of sarcy tone to it. I’m envisioning myself in that ‘attitude’ stage of puberty that we all went through (am I right? RIGHT??…moving on).
The truth is, I’ve finally realised that I’ve entered the world of having a hobby. A hobby you love. A hobby where you want to learn. A hobby you want to spend every minute of your free time doing. And a hobby with a COMMUNITY! I literally want to squeal with happiness (although it doesn’t look it in the below picture but I have my moody instagram face on).
This ‘having a hobby thing’ is completely alien to me. I feel like there was so much pressure on kids to have a hobby just from society in general. It certainly felt that way for me. Whether it was learning how to play a musical instrument, doing a sport and joining a team, being part of a drama/dance club. I basically felt like you had to be talented at something. That wasn’t easy considering all the usual things kids did – I wasn’t naturally talented at. Last time I checked, it’s pretty difficult to try and be talented at something. Especially at that age.
I didn’t enjoy any extra-curricular activities. Nothing did it for me. But I still felt the pressure to be doing something outside of school. This resulted in me taking part in a lot of different actives with different clubs and in the end I hated it all and quit everything.
Now, as a 22 year old, I can finally say I HAVE A HOBBY. It’s one I chose myself. No pressure. No stress. It’s one where I learn and develop skills myself. And it’s one that I have a genuine passion for. It’s a genuine choice.
I’m writing this after a mini meltdown that stemmed from frustration. I can’t (and still can’t) get my remote shooting to work. I’ve moved back home & didn’t feel comfortable asking my family to shoot some pictures of me (my own insecurities, nothing against them). And the internet is awful. So I had a cry. But it made me realize just how much I want to learn, and have got to learn, in this field. My tears of annoyance were more tears of passion. I was getting frustrated because I enjoy my hobby more than I ever realized. It was a result of something like remote shooting, getting in my way of what I really love to do. Create.
Recently, I’ve focused my attention on other photographers and streetstyle shoots. Not just bloggers and their product photography. But professionals shooting models in random locations all over the world. I like to
follow stalk them on their instagram, I like to watch how they edit their photo’s on YouTube. I like to see behind the scenes of a shoot. I’m obsessed.
I now enjoy images for not only the models in them and how they pose and work the clothing (which was all I focussed on before) but for the pair of eyes behind the camera. You can be the best poser in the world. The camera could love you. But with someone who hasn’t quite got the eye yet, the shots are just not the same.
I’m in total awe of how some photographers can take a location and make everything work. And I don’t mean the pretty Notting Hill streets that are all set up and ready to go, I mean the places that you wouldn’t look twice at. In fact screw that phrase, you wouldn’t even look once at them. Old derelict buildings, rusty outdoor furniture, streets full of cars and double yellow lines, the front of their house, ANYWHERE. For me, that’s true talent. Taking a place and MAKING it something.
And this is exactly what I’m specifically in awe of at the moment. As I’ve moved back home to live with parents for a while, I’m needing to make the most out of the space I have. I have no ‘blogger streets’ nearby and the closest is a £15 trip into London. So my home and back garden is my studio.
Keep an eye out for some more posts on how I take advantage of the space I have, camera set ups, setting etc. I wanna write so much about this!
I want to get more into lighting, playing with shadows and locations. But all in good time. I can’t rush these things as to me, that’s not a natural learning process. It reminds me of the rushing I did as a kid. Rushing to suddenly become talented at a sport I joined. It just doesn’t work like that.
I want to start using prisms or shining a torch onto a CD to create rainbows or cool light things. I want to get into photoshop (that’s one for another post). I DUNNO. I just want to continue to develop my skills in areas that aren’t just fashion shots in pretty white streets with the occasional rude resident. So here goes. I am so up for this journey!
This is an open letter to myself saying YAY YOU DID IT YOU FOUND SOMETHING YOU LOVE, KEEP GOING. KEEP LEARNING.
– all pictures in this post were taken by myself-
Who else is hook, line & sinker obsessing over photography? Did you read anything familiar? Hit me up, shooting is so much fun!
Watch out for more pictures on my instagram with different styles and be sure to follow me on Bloglovin’. I have a feeling I’ll be doing some more photography based posts!